There are things is a young woman's life that need to be done. Standing on her own to feet solo would happen to be one of them. And on occasion while this young twenty something is tearing up the town, in her own unique way, she'll bump into a certain familiar, that reminds her in one instance, everything she traded in for the lifestyle of unattainability... a lifestyle she didn't mind... until she realized how much she missed and longed for that certain familiar.

Soon coming home doesn't feel so relaxing, sleeping alone isn't empowering and that poetry book read before dozing off to dream land becomes just pages read... but not paid any attention to. All the things she became so proud of herself for accomplishing, just don't seem that redeeming anymore, and she herself in a daze of deep contemplation that leads no where but to over analyzing and sleep less nights.

Once in a blue moon though, through all her pondering and missing, she might find out that the man she's longed for has missed her too, longed for her too... only this time... he's not as solo as she... but not necessarily attached either. This time though she is what he has to decide between, her and the new girl, and that type of anticipation can be numbing... especially when it doesn't seem to be in her favor.

Bitches aint shit!

Unexpectedly predictable... typical... and fake... he is now for certain... no different from the rest... and I was crossing my fingers... for him to prove me wrong... Another tally mark... on my already made list... the ones I should have turned my back to... but chose to persist... like a gorgeous building... abandoned and abused... another short term triumph... covered in graffiti hate... lies... and rumors... the glory is gone... the flame blown out... next time... I wont so easily give in...

... its time for a change... a new city perhaps... a tougher skin... a different perspective... more qualities added... to my list of must haves... I am not defeated... but encouraged... to find myself... a purer version of me... "I’m single... that’s how I wanna be"...

I swear today I have walked a marathon. This particular Wednesday has been rather trying, but I’ve kept my head and hopes high; I’ve yet to be disappointed. Its amazing to me, to see how much you learn about yourself and life when you do things solo... and by solo I mean romantically unattached. You gain a deeper appreciation for certain things, new hobbies become more unique, enjoyable and passionate... they become individually yours. For me, I enjoy walking through the city of Chicago. I don’t think this city could ever get old to me. The people... are amazing. But I love to people watch so how could it get old? I walked today from the Aquarium to the Hancock building... which is a hike in it of its self, and then proceeded to walk around the city a little more. While my mother was longing to chill in a chair, I was joyously gallivanting through the busy streets of downtown. I could very easily call this place home. I went to my very first White Sox game, met the pitcher... couldn’t tell you his name for the life of me, told you I was bad with names. We were in a suite where I was served rum and diet cokes continuously perfectly protected from the rain, in what could arguably be considered one of the best seats in the stadium. All I have to say about that is lots ‘o’ fun! Besides missing the company of my friends back home in Kansas City, there isn’t really much convincing me not to move up here... although some are worried about me getting mugged. Where’s the positive encouragement?

Kansas City is a pit for me. I cant get the degree I want there at in College in the KC Metro area, so that there proves I am destined to move away from that god forsaken state. But I will miss friends and hold a heavy heart from their absence. But I’m almost for certain it is time for a change or I will forever be lost and miserable personally. I’m ready. I think I can handle it. Its not like I haven’t moved before. After being born and raised in Florida, moving to KS for three years, then moving to CO, then moving back to a different part of KS, then to Larry town, and back again... I can handle making new friends yet again and taking on another well needed adventure. The funny thing is Koppe said if we were to get serious and last he would move up here for me... that was impressive to me. But for now, it was time for sleep two hours ago. Good night, good morning... what have you.

a lil poetry sorta

It started again... wanting something I cant have... longing for something completely unattainable... its this self depricating torture... for once I'm sure... someone else doesnt think Im good enough... First time for everything i suppose... I become the typical girly girl... everyone can read me so perfectly... I hate this game... how do I mask my crush... my life is unfloding true to my favorite love story... i hope my ending can be as fortunate as theirs...

Unattainable... allusive... mysterious... seducative... halirous... goofy... fun... gangsta...emotionally unavailable... heart broken... breaking hearts... stubburn... silently needy... mixes signaled... comfortable... everything I never knew i wanted...

...why cant I stop thinking of him?

My epiphany: Corn Dogs + the month of April = Hell on earth

April. While most people celebrate the beginning of spring or as I like to refer to spring, lawn mower season, I and close friends included however choose to hide from it.

With flippers starting to flop, birds starting to chirp, and the sun shining… generally speaking there should be no reason to despise this month… and yet there are so many tragedies this “fools” months holds its hard to not wish for the end the first day it begins. I mean come on… the first day is April Fools day… how obvious is that? With death anniversaries just days in the past and the end approaching ever so quickly, I would have to say I may just make it out of this month without too many bruises.

Trevor, Eric and Jon, R.I.P.